Didn't Cha Know


Life is like acting in one huge improv movie that you don't know the script to until you're in the moment. Your part in the creation of your movie, as a body on this planet at this particular time, is to simultaneously be the actor, director and audience. Infinite Creation is the author (of the book the movie is based on), the producer, set designer, cinematographer and caterer and you have carte blanche. What do you want your movie to look like? Is it going to be a sappy love story or a rom com? Is it going to be an action film? Is it going to be noir? A heart warming cheesy family flick? A heart pounding adventure? A gorgeous, jaw dropping, life praising nature documentary? The beauty of it is that it can be any and all of it. Knowing this, what would you do right now?  

I've been asking myself that a lot lately, asking my heart what it really aches to do. I've been digging deep, weeding out the old formulaic stuff that worked in the past but is no longer relevant to this particular moment in my life, trying to get a clearer picture. I don't want to worry about 10 or 15 years down the road or rely on old stories that have already played out before. I want to be clear with what I want in each present moment. As if it were my audience, I'm asking my heart in each moment I'm aware, what do you want to watch right now? What would you be yelling at the protagonist in your movie to do right now? What do you want to FEEL? What do you want to be immersed in? What do you want to be living right now? What do you really want to do if you could do and have anything RIGHT NOW? Because you can. We all can, even more so now than ever before. 
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Right now I'm being strongly called to heal, share and explore. I've felt this calling before, but not even too long ago I thought that I knew exactly what this was supposed to look like. My mistake was putting my energy into trying to figure out a way to do this as a means to generate money and when this wasn't materializing the way I had envisioned, I felt like I somehow failed. In doing so I was severely limiting myself and the potential help I could give to others. I didn't realize that I still had a lot of healing to do myself and continuing to walk that healing path and sharing my journey is the only way I can truly serve others.

Now, I'm letting go of being the writer in this movie and just playing with whatever comes along. I'm seeing the "Or Better" in everything and everyone I come across. I'm realizing that the healing, sharing and exploration I'm yearning for isn't confined to the mental picture I previously held. There is always potential for healing, sharing and learning/exploration in every moment, every conversation, with ANY and every person. It's contained in every second that you fully emanate your truth, love and light culled from all your experiences up until that exact point in time. A simple smile, a warm touch, a laugh, or an engaging conversation in any form can contain so much healing for myself and others when I engage my whole being. And it is most potent when it's done in spontaneous fluid detachment and earnest sincerity, not in premeditation or in expectation of any reward. I just need to let go of my personal judgment and limitations of what my movie is supposed to look like so I can let my unique masterpiece unfold.

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And since Ms. Badu has been providing the soundtrack to my life recently...



Ooh hey
I'm trying to decide
Which way to go
Think I made a wrong turn
Back there somewhere...

...Didn't cha know
Didn't cha know
Tried to move but I lost my way
Didn't cha know
Didn't cha know
Stopped to watch my emotions sway
Didn't cha know
Didn't cha know
Knew the toll but I would not pay
Didn't cha know
Didn't cha know
Never know how the cards may lay

Time to save the world
Where in the world is all the time
So many things I still don't know
So many times I've changed my mind
Guess I was born to make mistakes
But I ain't scared to take the weight
So when I stumble off the path
I know my heart will guide me back...

...Love is life
And life is free
Take a ride
Of life with me
Free your mind
And find your way
There will be a brighter day

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