I want joy. There. I said it.

It's been a while. Sorry. Unwritten entries always run through my head, but the holidays have been busy and I was preoccupied trying to get my fill of family time with my mom's side of the family, since it's so rare that I get to see them these days.

So, it's a new year and I've promised myself to step out of my comfort zone this year. I've spent most of my life living with self-doubt, always second guessing myself and my abilities. I want to let go of that and really do what I love to do and what will make me happy, no matter how much of a waste of time/energy/money, ridiculous, insignificant, or desperate it might seem to other people. I am so many things(good and bad) and I want to embrace them all. I want to be unapologetically me.

Since watching the movie her several days ago, this quote has been haunting me. "We're only here briefly. And while I'm here, I want to allow myself joy. So fuck it."  I know it just basically means YOLO, which I never identified with, but in the context of the movie, it just resonated with me. I want joy. I want uncompromising, unconditional joy, and I feel so guilty for even saying that out loud. Is it really selfish to want that? Tell me it's okay and inspire me. What do YOU do to allow yourself joy?